A Drunken Mistake
by ninjasandbacon
Summary: AU “You're very verbal aren't you?” Dan mused, snapping his laptop closed. “For the record, his name's Chuck.” “Whatever. Just – why the hell is there a mirror on the ceiling?”
1. Chapter 1

**This is Leighton's idea, but she let me take it so my fic now lol. Hope you like it.**

Serena Van Der Woodsen was your average day girl with the added bonuses of being a hot blond, working at the Vanity Fair magazine. She was the girlfriend of William Richardson, one of Manhattan's best working lawyers. Her life was set out so perfectly until he broke up with her, which left Blair, her best friend, to cope with her crying best friend. The idea of Vegas was entirely hers, to dull the pain and get as much fun out of the break up as possible.

Dan Humphrey was your average day slob. He lived in a small condo with his best friend, Chuck Bass, lived off the money he had in his name from graduating college and worked in a book store just down the street from the Upper East Side of Manhattan. He had no girlfriend, the girl he would occasionally sleep with, Brianna, always told him that he wasn't boyfriend material. The idea of Vegas was his best friends idea. They weren't expecting to do anything in there.

Let alone one of them getting married.

Or meeting up with Serena and Blair.

Or Dan, the womanizer, getting married to Serena.

Or ending up in one room together.

Or worse, having to be with your complete opposite for potentially the rest of their lives.

--

Serena clasped a hand to her forehead groaning. She sighed and made her way down to the dining area, Blair following not far behind her. "I still can't believe you let me marry someone."

She muttered under her breath as they entered in through the doors. She looked around and sighed, seeing the two men from the night previous, one of which she had gotten married to. She sort of stopped and gazed at them both for a few minutes before the goofy looking one glanced their way and immediately frowned. Thats the one. She sort of smiled and started dragging Blair toward the table. Once there, they both sat down.

"Good morning." She said stiffly and reached her hand over to grab the orange juice, which she downed in one gulp.

"Morning to you too." Dan, she thought thats what his name was, said.

"Is she still drunk?" She heard the other guy ask Blair who rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"More like bitter."

"I heard that." Serena said and reached over, grabbing a piece of toast and shoved it in her mouth. Every now and then glancing down at the ring on her left hand.

"Good for you." Blair responded back, sighing.

"I'm glad we're all being somewhat.. erm.. nice to each other." Chuck coughed and Dan just glared at him.

"I honestly don't know why you'd even want to continue this charade, _sweetie_." Dan glanced over at Serena who glanced back. "I mean, the last thing I need is dead weight to carry around." Serena gasped and he just shrugged. "And I certainly don't want to be in a relationship with someone who is clearly not over their ex fiancée or whatever he is."

"Well, _baby_." Her voice sounded stiff and unhappy."For one thing, I am so over him and for another, I'm glad you don't wanna be a relationship with me because I certainly don't want to spend my entire life with you." She spat and crossed her arms in front of her frame. Dan just frowned, sighing. He couldn't believe that he had done such a stupid move, and to such a bitch of all things. "Blair, remind me again why you let me marry this ape?" His ears perked down as she turned to the girl she had been with and furiously narrowed her look.

"_Honey_, why are you so cruel?" He interrupted Blair who looked like she was about to open her mouth. "Heart got frozen in the ice age?" He laughed and Serena just rolled her eyes. "And if you're "so" over him, why are you still wearing the engagement ring." She glanced down at her hand and blushed.

"Shut the fuck up." Her head snapped back at him and she growled. "You know nothing about me so stop judging me." She cleared her throat and began to take the engagement ring off. "I just.. haven't had time to give it back to him yet."

"You know," Dan paused and tilted his head slightly to the side and smirked. "You're right. I don't know who you are. I don't know if you're a bitch or not. But I guess you kind of give off that vibe." He smirked as he saw her twitch at the remembrance of her ex fiancée. "Of course you did. Honest mistake."

Serena grunted and threw her hands in the air. "Blair. Answer me. How the hell could you let me marry it?" She pointed at Dan then threw her hands back up and tossed them back down at her sides.

"Well, if I remember correctly you were the one who was saying 'Come on B, you never let me have any fun. I want to marry him and I'm old enough so I am!'" Blair snickered, a smirk on her face.

"You're enjoying this aren't you?" Serena stamped her foot like a little kid.

"Very much so." Blair shot back, the same smirk on her lips.

"You're impossible." Serena said with a frown and she glanced down at her old engagement ring, a frown of pain and heartbreak on her face.

"He's not worth it." Blair said. "He's not worth it at all."

"_Babe_," she turned to Dan, putting emphasis on the word 'babe.' "Go and get me a coffee."

"Why?" He asked in between mouthfuls.

"Because thats what husbands do for their wives."

"Funny," he said as he turned his head to look at her. "Five minutes ago I was an ape."

Serena grumbled and tilted her head into her hands. "Just go get me a damn coffee." She said through clenched teeth. Dan just rolled his eyes and placed his napkin on the table before standing. He placed his hand on her back.

"Anything for you, _pumpkin_." And with that, he walked off. Serena pursed her lips out, she looked like she was going to cry at any moment. In an instant, her head hit the table.

"What have I done?" She grumbled. "Blair, honestly why did you even mention Vegas?"

"Because you needed a way to get over Jackass of the year and at the time it seemed perfect." She sighed. "Until we met up with Tweedledee and Tweedledumber." She smiled over at Chuck with a fake grin.

"I've been called worse." He glanced back at Blair. "So do you want to tell them or should I?"

"Tell them what?" Dan said as he finally scampered back, placing the cup in front of Serena who immediately grabbed it.

"Yeah, what are you guys talking about?" Serena asked softly.

"Well.." Blair started.

"We did some research earlier this morning while you two were still.. passed out from last nights activities." Chuck continued.

"And according to some of the things we read.." Blair trailed off again and bit her lip.

"Its entirely up to a judge whether or not you two divorce." Chuck added.

"And if he doesn't feel that you two deserve one, he can put you two into sort of forced relationship for up to 6 months."

"That also means that you two could end up having to live with each other, and actually be a couple and maybe therapy." Chuck finally ended and glanced back and forth, seeing the expressionless looks on both's features.

"You mean.." Serena trailed off.

"We could be stuck in this marriage?" Dan finished and Chuck and Blair nodded in sync.

"Oh." Serena started and glanced at Dan.

"Fuck," they said in unison.

--

"I am not gonna be your wife till I fucking die." Serena growled, pacing angrily in the bedroom she and her 'husband' shared in the multi-roomed suite.

"Well I can't do anything about that, can't I?" Dan shot back. "What on earth possessed me to marry you in the first place?"

"The sex?" Serena quipped, picking up a tank top throwing it forcefully into the open suitcase that lay on the bed.

Dan laughed, looking up from his laptop. "I think that may be the first time I laughed this morning. Why are you packing anyway? We're not leaving without seeing that judge."

The short lived moment they shared vanished and Serena flashed back to defensive mode. "I'm preparing, so I can get the hell out of here when we do." She seethed, her thumb tracing over her ring unconsciously. "I have better things to do than be with some loser I meet at a casino."

"For the record, I met you at a park alright?" He spat out, glaring at her. "Just because you were too wasted to remember, doesn't mean I don't."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Serena barked, laughing bitterly. "Where ever we met, we got drunk, got married, and now we're in this fucking hotel room waiting for Blair and Charlie to find a fucking judge."

"You're very verbal aren't you?" Dan mused, snapping his laptop closed. "For the record, his name's Chuck."

"Whatever. Just – why the hell is there a mirror on the ceiling?" Serena pointed upwards, all the previous frustration and anger coming out towards Dan. "You know, this is all your fucking fault."

In a flash Dan was by her side yelling at her. "How is this _my _fault?! _I _wasn't the one who demanded for me to marry you, _I _wasn't the one that got dumped so they had to come to fucking Vegas!"

"Shut up. Just shut the _fuck _up." Serena said through gritted teeth, trying her best to not let the tears come flowing. "I didn't ask to get dumped alright? So I'm fucking sorry for ruining any life plan you had!"

Dan's shoulders slumped as he watched Serenaslowly break down in front of him. "Look, I'm sorry-"

"Just leave me alone." She growled at him, shoving him away when he tried to come closer. He pushed her hands aside, ignoring the pounding fists on his back as he brought her close to his chest. "Let me go, you bastard."

"You know," he cocked his head to the side, staring at her. "you're kinda hot when you're mad." Laughing he leaned down and kissed her.

"Whoa."

"What the hell?"

Chuck and Blair stood there, awestruck at what just happened.

"Are you two actually getting along now?" Blair asked slowly.

"No." They said in unison, fleeing to different sides of the room.

"Right."


	2. Chapter 2

"So that is why I can't possibly be married to...him!" Serena concluded her somewhat long speech to the judge. The two along with Chuck and Blair were in divorce court, trying to break up the marriage.

"Mhm." The judge looked between the two, trying to make a decision. "You two have known each other how long?"

"Sober? A day." Dan replied, slumping down in his chair.

"Alright, based on what you two have rante- said about each other, I am going to sentence you to couples therapy."

"What!?" Dan stood, knocking his chair over. "I can't go to _couples therapy_."

"Sit down Mr. Humphrey and let me finish. You two will board a plane back to New York where you both currently reside and you _will _attend couples therapy for six months and during that period, you are required to live together."

"We aren't even a couple! Why do we have to go to therapy?"

"That is because, Mrs. Humphrey, you two are married therefore a couple and because it'll do you good."

"Well I'm never getting married in Vegas." Chuck muttered to Blair.

"Any more questions? No? Court adjourned."

--

"I can't believe I have to go to fucking couples therapy." Dan muttered, sipping from the orange juice the flight attendant handed him.

"I can't believe I'm sitting next to an ass I supposedly married."

"Love you too sweetheart." Dan's voice dripped with sarcasm as he put an arm around her shoulders.

"Don't touch me." Serena hissed, slapping his arm.

"Sorry babe." Dan said sweetly, keeping his arm around her.

Serena sighed, looking away from him. "How long until New York?"

"The flight attendant just told us. Weren't you listening?"

"Not really." Serena looked around the seats as the plane began to take off. "Where the hell are Chuck and Blair too?"

"We have 5 hours left. Chuck and Blair are in first class. Bastards."

"Okay. Now can you please get your arm off me?" Serena smiled, pinching his thigh.

"Sorry, can't."

"And why not?"

"Because we're married. This is what married couples do." Dan drank more juice, smiling at her.

"So I'm going to sit here, for five hours, with your sweaty arm around me?"

"We could, you know, go to the bathroom and make out like the horny adults we are." He gestured to the small restroom, a few seats up.

"And get more of those lovely germs that you come with, go right ahead, I'll be there.. never."

"You're real funny." Dan smiled, leaning down and kissing her on the lips before she could react.

"What was that?" Serena asked softly, hand flying up to her lips.

"A kiss?" Dan whispered, leaning down to touch his lips with hers again.

Their kisses grew more heated and more desperate. "Bathroom," Serena gasped in his ear as they began to attract stares.

"Meet me there." Dan unbuckled himself and headed for the bathroom quickly.

Serena debated on what to do quickly as her time was running out. Meet him and have hot bathroom sex? Or stay here and let him sweat it out?

She gave in to temptation and quickly walked the carpeted path to the bathroom. Cautiously, she rapped on the door. "Dan?"

The door swung open and within seconds she was pressed up against the wall, Dan ravaging her neck. "Hi to you too." She giggled, hands flitting to the buttons on his shirt.

He laughed, pushing her closer against the wall so that she had to wrap her legs around his waist. "You're beautiful," He murmured, tugging her sweater off.

"You have twenty seconds to get out of the restroom." A voice boomed, making them jump apart. "It is against federal law for an airplane lavatory to be occupied by more than one person at a time."

Serena quickly tugged her sweater on and watched as Dan furiously tried to button his shirt when the flight attendant popped the door open with some sort of device in her hand. Serena blushed, grabbing Dan's hand and lead him out of the restroom. They stopped short once they saw Blair and Chuck glaring at the two of them while apologizing to the pilot.

"We're really sorry, sir. We didn't know that they would end up there. They hate each other!" Chuck tried to explain as Dan and Serena headed back to their seats.

"Well keep a better eye on them next time, Mr. Bass."

"I will..sorry."

Dan looked over at Serena, bursting out into laughter. "Well this is one plane ride I'm sure I'll never forget."

"If we go to jail for this, you're paying my bail." Serena giggled, leaning her head on his shoulder.

"Anything for you wifey."

Her head shot up as if she had been shocked. "I still hate you, you know."

"Love you too." Dan pressed a kiss to the top of her head as he accepted a pair of earphones from the flight attendant.

--

"You live _here_?" Serena glanced around his loft, carefully making her way across the crowded apartment.

"Its usually cleaner." Dan flopped onto the couch, dropping his suitcase on the ground.

"Can you at least clean it up since I'm here?" Serena picked up the Lysol that Blair had given her. _A wedding present _she had called it.

"I don't like cleaning." Dan muttered as she sprayed the seat next to him before sitting down.

"I'll make it worth your while." Serena said, sliding her hand up and down his right leg. "Please?"

"Pay me first then I'll clean." He smirked, watching her set the can of Lysol down.

"How about," She kissed his cheek, making him look towards her. "you clean first and then based on your performance, I decide how much of your reward you get."

"Sounds fair." He nodded, turning on the TV with no intention of cleaning. "I don't think you heard me though. Pay first."

"Please?" She sat on his lap, obscuring his view. "Do it for me?" With that, she crashed her lips to his, earning a groan from him.

"Fine," Dan struggled to get out from under her. "But you owe me. Big time."

"Love you Danny." She giggled, blowing a kiss as she flipped the station.

He grumbled something inaudible in reply as he got out a trash bag and began dumping multiple pizza boxes and beer bottles into it.

"So where's your friend?" She called as he began vacuuming.

"Chuck and Blair are out looking for a therapist for us."

"Oh cool. Hey do you have any food? I'm kinda hungry."

His shoulders sagged in disbelief as she grinned up at him. "I'm cleaning and now you want food?"

"Please Danny?" She pouted, hand flicking out to unplug the vacuum so he could hear her.

"Fine. Call the pizza place." He handed her the phone and a menu to her. "My address is written on the menu."

"But I want _you _to cook. Chuck said that you're a great chef."

"I am going to kill him," Dan muttered before smiling at her. "Should I finish cleaning or cook first, your Majesty?"

"Finish cleaning. Thanks baby." She turned her attention back to the TV as he started cleaning again.

"One more thing." Dan took her face in his hands, kissing her fiercely.

"Mmm..Dan..clean." She murmured, kissing back nevertheless.

Without another word, he was on top of her, hands roaming everywhere. "No," She whispered, making him pause. "I'm on top."

He laughed, flipping them over so that she was sitting on top of him, hands tracing his six pack under his shirt. She unbuttoned it, losing her grip on a few of the buttons. "You okay there?" Dan chuckled, watching her fumble.

"Shut up." She muttered, raking her nails down his chest. "Shut up and do me."

"A little demanding, aren't you?" He sat up, tugging off her sweater and camisole all in one.

"Hey, we're back and we have pi- What the hell!?" Chuck spun around, closing his eyes as Blair did the same.

"My eyes. I think I've gone blind."

Serena hastily put on Dan's shirt, buttoning it quickly. "I thought you two were looking for a therapist."

"We found one. So we brought back pizza to celebrate. Is it safe to turn around yet?" Chuck asked, still holding the pizza box aloft.

"Yeah Chuck." Dan laughed, watching as Chuck and Blair turned, glaring at the two of them. "I kinda need a shirt though since _someone _stole mine."

"Sorry." Serena giggled, as Chuck put the box of pizza down on the newly cleaned coffee table.

"Dude..why is the table clean?"

"Serena obviously put the Lysol to good use." Blair smacked the back of Chuck's head.

"She made me clean." Dan muttered, tucking into the pizza.

"Okay..anyway, dude, I hate to tell you this, but I'm moving out. The crazy person next to me suggested that I leave the _happy_ _couple _alone, so Luke's letting me stay with him."

"Great." Dan muttered, about to take another slice when Serena held out a napkin in front of him, dabbing his chin. "Um, what the hell are you doing?"

"You have sauce all over your chin." She murmured, stabbing him particularly hard.

"Its like we're not even in the fucking room." Chuck muttered, going to his room to pack.

"Well, I'm just going to go home." Blair checked her phone for the time. "Nate's been alone for a couple days."

"Bye Blair." Serena waved as her best friend left. She picked up a slice of pizza and slapped it onto a plate, sprinkling it carefully with hot pepper flakes.

"You're such a girl." Dan laughed, still shirtless.

"And that's a bad thing?" Serena shot back, eyebrow raised. "Last time I checked, I thought it was a good thing."

"Well I wouldn't want to have sex with a guy. Even if they did look like you, so I guess its a good thing?" Dan muttered, picking up another slice, half the pizza already gone.

"Is that a compliment or an insult?"

He picked up her camisole, twirling it between his fingers. "Compliment, definitely a compliment."

"Give me that." She dropped the pizza, lunging for her camisole. She landed on top of him, like she was ten minutes ago.

"Make it worth my while and you can have it back." Dan smirked, stuffing it under him.

"Is that just an excuse to make me make out with you?" She giggled, already leaning down.

"I don't have to _make _you, darling." Dan drawled, clasping her shoulders and kissing her gently. "You'd do it any day."

"Bullshit." She rolled her eyes at his ever present ego. "You're attractive, I'll give you that."

"Just attractive?"

"You talk too much, you know that?" She giggled, wrapping an arm around his neck, bringing their lips together.

"You two are like fucking bunnies. Hell, I bet you fucked like bunnies that night. Room service even complained about the condoms to me and Waldorf." Chuck walked in, shielding his eyes. "I'll see you later, bro." With that, he was out of the semi-clean loft.

"Bye?" Dan waved at Chuck's retreating back. "I can't believe he just compared us to furry woodland creatures."

"They're so cute though."

"Like me?" He smirked, unbuttoning and pushing his shirt off her shoulders.

"Let's go to your room." Serena muttered as he kissed her collarbone.

"Let's not."

"Please?"

"My room is.."

"Do I look like I give a fuck?"

"Kinda." Dan laughed, carrying her to the doorway of his room. "Don't say I didn't warn you."

He pushed her against the door, kissing her feverishly. Automatically, she wrapped her legs around his waist, hand reaching for the door knob.

She pushed the door open, making him stumble a little. They landed on the bed, the soft comforter tickling Serena's bare back. She leaned her head back, hitting some hard object. "Ow.."

"Sorry..that's one of my books." He muttered, focusing on unbuttoning her jeans.

"It doesn't fucking take that long to take off jeans." She murmured, kicking them off one leg at a time.

"Sorry." Dan mumbled, his voice muffled from him trying to take off her panties with his teeth.

Serena's hands tried to grip the sheets, but she found herself clutching a dirty sock. "Dan.."

"Yeah babe?"

She closed the space between her legs, no doubt squishing his head a little. "Why the fuck is there a sock in your bed?"

"Sorry..its a little messy."

She pushed him off, standing up to observe his monstrosity of a bed. "A little?" She asked, her voice cracking.

"I warned you." Dan protested, standing in only his boxers.

"How the hell do you sleep in this?"

"I usually sleep on the couch."

"Great. I'm naked in a disgusting room, married to an equally disgusting guy and I have a therapy session tomorrow." Serena muttered, shaking her head.

"Hey..a minute ago, you didn't think I was so disgusting, did you?" Dan smirked, quickly ducking as the dirty sock flew towards him.

"Shut the hell up."


	3. Chapter 3

"So, would you like to introduce yourselves?" The therapist, Dr. Twitchell, sat across from them, staring at them expectantly.

"I'm Serena." Serena extended her hand, nudging Dan with her elbow. "And this is my _lovely _husband, Dan."

"Yeah, hi." Dan mumbled, shaking Dr. Twitchell's hand. "Um, so when does this session end?"

"When I say it does." She smiled at him, looking down at her clipboard. Dan nodded, wincing as Serena elbowed him again, harder this time. "So I'd like you two to talk about your directions. The first step is being open. You have to know what exactly is wrong with your relationship."

"There's nothing wrong with our marriage." Serena smiled, leaning back on Dan. "Everything is just perfect, right Danny boo boo boo...boo?"

"Yeah, sure." Dan smiled brightly, watching as the therapist made marks on her clipboard. "We have the most perfect life."

"So how are things between you sexually?"

"Fabulous."

"Not going."

"Mhmm." Dr. Twitchell made another mark on her clipboard, frowning just a little bit. "Do you two agree on things?"

"Absolutely." Dan wrapped his arm around Serena's shoulders, grinning.

Serena nodded absently, taking in the room. For some reason, it reminded her of a prison.

Dan watched his _wife's_ eyes glaze over as the session became less interesting. There was something about this girl, something he couldn't wait to find out.

_Flashback_

"_Pay attention Dan!" She stepped on his foot, earning a yelp from him. They stood outside Dr. Twitchell's door, waiting for the therapist to come to the door._

"_What?" He grumbled, shoving his hands into his pockets._

"_The minute that door opens, we are going to be the perfect couple. Understand?"  
_

"_Why?" Dan whined, sliding his hand around her lower back._

"_Stop it." She hissed, slapping his hand away. "Perfect couple. Remember that."_

"_Whatever you say, Mrs. Humphrey." Dan muttered, getting slapped in the arm again as the door opened._

_End Flashback_

"Mr. Humphrey? Are you listening?"

Dan smiled charmingly at her. "Sorry, I was just marveling at how great Serena is."

"Well you can do that as much as want because today's session is over. Your next session is next week and next time, please, cut the bullshit and work out whatever problems you have with talking about your relationship and you better not come back the same you are today."

Serena sat there, mouth agape. How did Dr. Twitchell figure out what they were doing? "I..see you next week." She stood, holding Dan's hand and walked out of the door.

The door swung closed and Serena turned on Dan, purposely stepping on his foot for the second time today. "You are a fucking idiot."

"What?!"

"How else could she have known? All that shit about our 'perfect life'!" Serena threw her hands up, her heels clicking as she made her way down the hall.

"Well excuse me, Miss Danny boo boo boo boo boo!" Dan stomped after her, grabbing her arm. "I wasn't aware that happily married people had such insane nicknames!"

"So you're calling me insane now?" She pushed away from him, pulling the doors open and almost hitting him in the face with it. "Just..just go away!"

He sighed, pulling her arm, making her turn around. He brought his lips to hers roughly, ignoring her muffled yell. "I'm sorry." He mumbled, pulling away before she started hitting him.

"Dan, just don't...don't talk to me." She pushed him away again, turning her back on him.

"I really am sorry, you know. We both went overboard, but I shouldn't have called you insane." He pressed a key in her palm. "House key. You might not want to be around me right now, I'll see you later."

He started walking down the street, hands shoved in his jacket. Serena sighed, running after him. "Dan..wait. I'm sorry too."

"Not your fault." He mumbled, looking at his shoes where two small indent marks had appeared after she stepped on him.

"Yes it is. I shouldn't have been so mean." She leaned up and kissed him gently, smiling. "Let's go home, okay?" She whispered seductively, watching him grin madly.

"Home." He repeated, wrapping an arm around her waist. "Sounds good."

--

Serena pushed Dan against the now clean couch, pressing kisses to his lips. "Hey, you wanna, uh, watch a movie?"

She stopped, looking at him. "Okay." She said slowly, clambering off of him. "Which movie?"

"You choose. I'll go make popcorn." He got up, leaving her to sort through the stack of dvds they had piled together the night before.

Serena smiled, pulling out the dark DVD from the stack. Smiling to herself, she put the disc in, sinking back onto the couch. Dan chose this moment to reappear, holding a big plastic bowl of popcorn. "I ordered Chinese, is that okay?"

"Sure. Come on, movie's starting." She grabbed a few pieces of popcorn, shoving them into her mouth as Twilight started.

"Twilight? Come on, its a chick flick and I'd rather watch you than some girl named Bella." Dan scoffed as Serena slapped him on the arm.

"Dan, please. Just try and enjoy the movie. I'll make it up to you." She snuggled into his side, kissing his neck. "After all, you bought a new mattress and its clean. So why not christen the bed?"

"Fine." Dan sighed, reaching into his jeans and scratching his crotch. Leaning over, he grabbed a handful of popcorn from the pink bowl in Serena's lap.

"Oh thanks Dan. I've always loved the taste of crotch in my popcorn." Serena deadpanned, edging away from him.

He glanced at her, shrugging. He grabbed the bowl of popcorn and pulled up the rim of his pants, pouring the popcorn in. "Just giving you what you wanted, darling."

"Ew." She muttered as the doorbell rang. "I'll get the food, you...go wash your hands."

--

Serena sat, her back against Dan's chest, eating her orange chicken. "This is amazing."

"Yeah, you are."

She blushed, reaching above her head to feed him a piece. "Hey, where'd you put the fortune cookies?"

"Um..." Dan dug in the bag with one hand, the other resting on Serena's stomach. "Here we go! Ladies first."

Serena giggled, taking the one closest to her from his hand. She cracked it open, reading the fortune before turning red.

"What?"

"Um, read it." She thrust it at him, her cheeks a lovely shade of pink.

"'You will have the best position tonight.'" Dan read, turning equally red. "Um, er..wow."

"We better not disappoint the cookie." Serena giggled, pecking his cheek before turning back to the screen.

"That would be bad." He laughed, pressing a kiss to the nape of her neck. "We mustn't do that."

"Very bad." She nodded, hand reaching out to turn off the TV.

A loud knock on the door made them pull apart, both emitting a groan. "Who the hell is it now?!" Dan groaned, wrenching the door open.

Blair pushed past Dan, a tall guy with golden brown hair trailing behind her. "Um, hi?"

"Sorry to barge in. I'm Nate." He stuck out his hand. "Blair said that Serena was living here..since you two got married in Vegas, or something?"

"Hi, so er..why is Blair here?" Dan shut the door as Nate walked in.

"Um, she, uh-" He was interrupted by Serena shrieking loudly.

"I can't believe you're pregnant!!!!"

"Ah," Dan nodded wisely. "So congrats. Want a beer?"

"Sure."

--

Serena's hands threw up in frustration. "And why the hell will you not come? It's two hours of your life that you have to spend pretending to be my husband. Jesus Dan." She sighed as she fell back on the couch beside him. "It's not that hard you know."

Dan stuffed his hand in the bag of Doritos he held with the opposite, already munching on whatever was in his mouth. "And?" He said, his mouth full. "Like you said, its two hours. Two hours of my life that I'll never get back."

"_Please?_" She asked, biting at her lip.

"No can do. I don't do charity or office events."

"Fine, you can just sit here, wasting your fucking life with chips and pay per view porn!"

"I don't pay for porn!" He yelled at her retreating back as she slammed the door of the apartment.

Dan sighed, slumping down on the couch. "Women." He stuffed a handful of chips into his mouth, just as the doorbell rang again. "Doorth othen!"

Chuck entered, walking over to the kitchen and cracking open a beer. "Hey man."

"Why are you drinking my beer?"

"I paid for this." Chuck pulled the sixpack out, almost dropping. "Hey where's that hot wife of yours?"

"First off, my wife, not yours to call hot." Dan grumbled, setting the chips down and grabbing a beer. "Second of all, beautiful, not hot. She's at this stupid company picnic thing she wanted me to go."

"And you're not there why?"

"Dude, you of all people should know that those things are stupid wastes of time."

"True, but when you said 'I do,' no matter how drunk you were, that did kind of mean, 'I'll go wherever you will' too."

"You're drunk."

Chuck sipped another big gulp. "That I am."

"Alright, I'll go get changed. Stop drinking my beer." Dan set the bottle down, heading for the bedroom.

Ten minutes later, Chuck was still sitting at the counter, on his third bottle of beer. "What the hell is taking so long?"

"I can't find anything to wear!!"

"You sound like a girl Daniel. I see your _wife _is taking her toll on you." Chuck thought about it, shrugging once. "Well at least she's hot."

"Shut the hell up!"

--

Dan shut off the ignition, taking the helmet off and setting it carefully on the seat. He scanned the grassy area for Serena, finally spotting her. He pulled his black jacket tighter over the shirt he wore as he walked towards her. "Serena!"

Her head turned as she heard her name in a very familiar voice. "Dan?"

He grinned, taking her hand. "You wanted me to come, I'm here."

"Hey, Dan." She hugged him, pinching him a little. "Richard, this is my husband, I told you he would come!"

"Hi, so you're Serena's new husband." A tall, fair haired guy Dan presumed to be Serena's boss shook his hand. "I'm Richard Banger."

"Dan Humphrey."

"Well its nice to meet you. I think the food's here. Let's all go sit and eat." He walked away, waving to another employee of his.

"So Dick Banger?" Dan laughed, as Serena smacked him on the arm.

"Be quiet." She hissed. "Don't make fun of his name. He gets mad if you do that."

"I'm here and now you want me to not be myself?" He pretended to whine, earning another smack. "If you slap me one more time.."

"You'll what?"

"I'll show you how it feels to be slapped." Dan whispered, not knowingly causing goosebumps on her skin.

"I.." She faltered, feeling herself losing control.

"I would be careful Serena. There are kids here." He grinned as her resolve weakened even more.

"We....we're not finished here." She said finally, walking away from him.

"I would expect not."

--

Dan unlocked the door, letting Serena in first. "So that was kinda fun."

"What? The picnic or me screaming on your motorcycle?" She grumbled, lying down on the couch.

"Well they were both fun. Just in different ways."

"Do tell." Serena muttered sarcastically as he sat down by her feet.

"Well, picnic was actually nice. Your co-workers were whispering about how hot I was and then I reminded then I was married. The motorcycle part was fun because you were holding on to me very very tightly while you screamed."

"That's great Dan. Really great." She lifted her head, looking at him. "Hey, what time is it?"

"Around 7."

She sat up, taking his hand. "Let's go make dinner."

"Why?"

"Because I'm hungry and you're supposed to feed your wife!" She snuggled up him, her own way of begging. "Please?"

"Fine. I'll make something and you can make dessert." He stood, pulling her up as well.

She stumbled, almost falling when he caught her. "Sorry."

"Its okay." He smiled softly down at her, kissing her forehead.

"Um, thanks, for you know, coming today."

He stared at her, brown eyes twinkling. "It was my pleasure."

Without a seconds hesitation, she kissed him, pressing him against the wall. He reacted quickly, his lips pressing hardly back against hers. He tangled his fingers in her long hair, wondering how he still had conscious thought while being kissed like this.

She broke the kiss, staring at him, her green eyes wild. Panting for air, she let her hands shakily undo the buttons on his shirt. He smiled crookedly at her, letting her slide it off his shoulders. Catching her hands, he kissed her again. It was nothing like the rough kisses they just shared, but still filled with desire. "Do you really-"

Her cheeks were flushed pink, hair in total disarray as she cut him off, nodding feverishly. "Yeah." She giggled nervously, watching his smile grow bigger. "I do."

Chuckling, Dan picked her up easily and carried her into their room. "No interruptions today." He murmured, rubbing his nose against her cheek, taking her top off.

"Good, its been a while."

"Considering the last time, we were both slightly wasted, yeah." He whispered, kissing her again before her mind could even process what he had just said.

"Dan, wait.. stop."

He paused looking at her, confused. "What's wrong?"

"I..I can't."

"Oh." Dan rolled off of her, tugging his boxers back on, ready to head out of the room. "Too soon? I'll go make dinner."

"No wait," She sighed, pulling him back onto the bed. "You just remind me so much of William."

"Who's William?" He asked gently, taking her almost naked form in his arms.

"My ex fiancé." Serena felt tears starting to well up in her eyes, and quickly shook them away. She wasn't going to cry, not here. "He's the reason why Blair and I went to Vegas."

"Then I'm glad. I know this sounds cruel, but its true. If it weren't for that idiot, I would have never met you." Dan kissed the top of her head, his thumb wiping away a stray tear. "You're amazing Serena. William's an idiot to give you up."

"I don't get you."

"What don't you get?"

"How you can be an ass and then all sexy and sweet later."

He kissed her again, tucking the sheets for both of them, dinner long forgotten. "You have so much to learn about me, Serena. So much."

Serena snored slightly, already sound asleep. Dan smiled, sliding her wedding ring off her finger. It was time she got the ring she deserved. So much for being a womanizer. He sighed, snuggling closer to her as she murmured something in her sleep.

"I love you Dan."


	4. Chapter 4

For the next few days, Dan had been constantly out of the house, his only contact with Serena was breakfast, lunch, dinner and bed. It had scared him more than a little bit when she said those words to him in the middle of the night.

"Dan, hey, can we talk?" Serena caught him right before he left, making him spin around in the doorway.

"Um, sure. What's up?" He replied warily as she walked closer to him, looping her arms around his neck.

"Nothing, I just missed you." She kissed him gently. "I know you've been avoiding me."

"I haven't..." He trailed off as she raised her eyebrows. "Okay, maybe a little. Its just weird."

"Having a wife?"

"That and going to couple's therapy and yeah." Dan sighed, looking into her dark green eyes. "I'm really sorry. I'll make it up to you."

"Have breakfast with me." She urged, grabbing his hand and shutting the door with the other. "Please? We can talk about how we're going to fake therapy tomorrow. Pretty please with sprinkles on top?"

He chuckled, giving in to her childlike pleading. "Fine."

"Yay!" She hugged him, pecking his lips. "You're cooking."

"Why did I know that was coming?" Dan laughed, quickly letting go of her hand, going to the kitchen as a pretense.

--

I think that was the most horrible scrambled eggs I've ever had." Serena teased as Dan emptied the pan into the trash, shaking his head.

"I don't exactly have practice with this, you know." He rolled his eyes, sliding the pan in the sink, clattering loudly.

"Well since you ruined the eggs, what else do we have?" She opened the refrigerator, poking her head inside. "We have milk."

"And cereal. Breakfast time!" Dan rubbed his hands together, grinning. He saw Serena staring at him and shrugged his shoulders. "What?"

"Nothing." She giggled, setting the milk on the counter. "You're just kinda cute."

"Whoa, no! Little puppies are cute, your little laugh is cute but there is no way in hell I'm cute." He protested, taking a step back.

"Fine. You're really sexy when you're being stupid. Happy?"

"Yeah, tha- Hey!"

"Thought you didn't want the word cute." She stuck her tongue out at him playfully, earning a smack on the bum.

"Be that way."

--

"Dan," She bit her lip as she sat down next to him. "Hey."

He looked up from his magazine briefly, eyebrows raised. "Hi."

"Can we talk?"

"About?" He closed the car magazine, tossing it onto the coffee table.

"I know we haven't exactly been talking these past few days and during the whole you avoiding me thing, I've realized that my feelings for you have changed."

"Oh?" Dan murmured, mentally slapping himself. _Oh? Who the hell said 'Oh?'! _

She giggled nervously, scooting closer to him. "Well I've realized that I don't hate you or like you. I think I'm-"

"Whoa, would you look at the time?!" He jumped, glancing at his bare wrist. "I should go call Chuck and invite him over for-"

"Dan, please." She put a hand on his knee, making him flinch. "I'm trying to tell you something and....I'm falling in love with you, okay?"

He froze, not knowing what to do. "Okay." He said slowly, processing the words. "Serena, I'm not sure this is the best time for us to talk about this."

"So that's it?" She muttered, attempting to stop the tears that had welled up in her eyes. "I tell you that I'm falling for you and that's all you say?"

"What do you want me to say? That I love you too? That's not going to happen, Serena. I'm sorry."

"Dan, please. We can at least try."

"I'm not perfect."

"I don't want you to be." Tears rolled down her cheeks as she struggled to contain herself. She couldn't lose control, not here, not when being in check mattered the most.

"You deserve someone..better." He stuck his hands in his pockets, as if afraid she was going to reach out and take his hands. "Someone good for you."

"You'll never get it, will you? You're the best thing that's ever happened to me." She crossed her arms, shivering slightly from the cold. "I don't want to be without you. Ever."

"Stop it." His voice rang loud and cold. He was suddenly grateful that they were alone, for the words that were tempted to come out of his mouth was definitely not appropriate. "I..."

"You're afraid to love me, aren't you?" She took a step towards him, watching him shudder violently. "You're afraid to let people in, to let them know the real you. You're scared that someone actually sees past this and loves you!"

He squeezed his eyes shut, fists clenching. "You know nothing about me, okay? Just because I'm married to you doesn't mean I love you! You know what that night was, a big-"

She cut him off, tears slipping down her cheeks like rain. "Drunken mistake." She nodded once, biting her lip. "I'm sorry for even wanting to try."

"Serena...I.."

She looked up at him, desperately hoping that by some chance, he would say something that would change them from what they were at that point. "Please don't."

He paused, confused. "What do you mean?"

"Please don't say anything if you're going to hurt me even more." She whimpered, rubbing her eyes. "Loving you is hard enough without this rejection."

"I..." He gripped her shoulders lightly, making sure she wasn't going to run away. "I'm not the guy for you, okay?"

"Yes you are! I can't imag-"

"Listen to me." He murmured, watching more tears well up in her eyes. "This isn't easy for me. I treat women like they're trash, I'm a slob, I don't deserve you."

"You're different." She willed him to look at her, cupping his chin gently. "You're not that person when you're with me. You're nice and sweet and amazing. I don't know if you know this, but I'm a lot happier with you than I was with William. Don't make me lose you."

Tears were starting to form in Dan's eyes as his resolve started to crumble. "I don't know why you still want to be with me after I called you a bitch. I treated you differently because you're my wife, that's it, okay?"

"That's who you are! I called you names too, but you still put up with me! When are you going to stop lying to yourself? Dan, even Chuck noticed, okay? Your best friend told me today that he really thought you were in love with me. That's why I told you so soon okay?"

"You told me before." He murmured quietly, trying his hardest not to look at her.

"What?"

"A couple nights ago, that night with the Chinese food, you fell asleep and you told me you loved me."

"You knew?" She whispered, shaking her head. "How could you not tell me?"

"Because I don't love you okay!?" He yelled at her, pushing her away slightly. "The only reason we're here right now is because we've been sentenced to! Stop trying to make yourself love me and just leave me alone!"

Serena took a deep breath, controlling her tears. Without saying another word, she strolled back into their bedroom, closing the door quietly. Making sure the door was locked tightly, she slid down against it, hugging her knees to her chest as she let the tears flow down her cheeks.

Dan sighed, hearing her sob. He knew he had overreacted to three simple words, but it wasn't him. He just didn't go around professing his love for women. Even if he had fallen head over heels for her. He knocked on the door gently, as not to shock her. "Serena?"

It was no surprise when the door didn't open. He walked over to the kitchen, pulling out a white envelope with a slight indentation in it. He knocked again, sliding it under the door. "Serena, open it. Please."

He laid there awkwardly, waiting to see if she had taken the envelope. After half an hour, he suspected she had crawled into bed and fallen asleep as it was still there. Fishing out a key that had been his pocket all along, he opened the door quietly. She lay sprawled on the bed, tear tracks on her cheeks and messy blonde hair sprawled around her.

Picking up the envelope, he ripped it open, careful not make the ring inside fly out. He slid it onto her left ring finger, carefully monitoring her breathing. "I love you Serena. I'll see you when you wake up."

He kissed her gently on the forehead before walking over to the door, taking one last glance at her before shutting it.

As she heard the slight thud, her eyes fluttered open, immediately going to her hand. Smiling, she exited the room, seeing him lying on the couch, his hands massaging his eyes. "Hi."

He all but jumped off the couch, surprised. "You're awake."

She walked towards him, linking their hands. "Daniel Humphrey, I love you." She leaned forward, brushing their lips together gently. "I want you to say it to me when you know I'm actually awake."

Dan's eyes widened dramatically. "What?"

"I heard you." She kissed him again, more roughly. "Please."

"Why do you want me to say it so badly?" He argued, still trying to find a way out.

"Because I only want that from you. Just three words."

"You've already heard them."

"So wha-"

He cut her off, grinning. "I love you Serena. Happy?"

"Do you mean it?" Her eyes searched his face, hoping that he wasn't pulling one over her.

"I do."

"Then, yes. I'm more than happy." She giggled, kissing him again, plowing him back into the couch.

--

They awoke hours later, still entwined on the couch. "You know, if this is what I get for saying 'I love you', maybe I should say it more often." Dan teased, pressing a kiss to Serena's slightly sweaty forehead.

"You realize you're not getting sex every time you say it right?" She shot back at him, matching his playful tone.

"Yeah, but I get it sometimes and thats good enough for me." He laughed, tracing his fingers over the curve of her shoulder. She giggled as he did so, earning a look from him.

"It tickles." She murmured, watching him laugh heartily.

"You're so..." He searched for the perfect word in his mind. "Cute."

She blushed, cheeks turning a light shade of pink. "Thanks." She placed a kiss on his cheek, rubbing a hand over the stubble. "You need to shave."

"And apologize." Dan looked at her seriously, his fingers absently playing with a loose thread from the blanket that had made its way onto their bodies. "What I said earlier tonight, I didn't.... I didn't want you to love me in case I hurt you. I was lying when I said those things to you. You weren't a mistake, you're everything but. I'm sorry."

"Its okay." She smiled at him, trying to reassure him. "If you don't want to be with me, you don't have to be. If you didn't love me, it would've been okay for you to, you know, sleep around."

"With someone like you, what idiot would want to sleep around?" His eyes traced her form appreciatively.

"William." Serena's eyes flashed with hurt as she mentioned her ex-fiancés name

"One of these days, you are going to introduce me to him." Dan said nonchalantly. "And then I am going to kick his ass."

"Well I would say tomorrow, but we have a therapy session."

"Today." He corrected, showing her his watch. "Its 2 in the morning and we have to get up in about, uh, six hours. You should get some sleep."

"Who needs sleep when you can have sex all night on a couch?"

"Speaking of which, this is really uncomfortable. I have no elbow room, actually I don't have any room at all. You're all pressed up against me." Dan whispered in her ear, his teeth grazing her earlobe.

"Isn't that a good thing?" She replied breathlessly, locking lips with him.

"Yes, but...can we please just move to the bedroom?" He begged as his mouth followed the trail of his hands, making their way down to her stomach.

"One..condition." She tugged on his hair, bringing him back up.

"Yes?"

"I get the blanket." She giggled, dragging him to the room.


End file.
